We are constantly exchanging energy with the world around us. Whether we're celebrating with family, connecting with friends, navigating difficult conversations, or simply walking through a crowded space, we are interacting with the energy of others. This fall, with several family weddings and many opportunities to gather with friends and connect with hundreds of people, I was reminded just how interconnected we are.
We are an energy field interacting with other energy fields, and all part of the Oneness. Our personal energy field extends as far as our arms can reach, and each day we choose how much energy we take in.
If you’re sensitive by nature, you feel more. Empathy is a wonderful quality that allows you to experience life more fully. But you may be absorbing energy from other people all day without realizing it. A phone call, a trip to the grocery store, the nightly news, a conversation with a struggling neighbor - all potential sources of energy that is not ours entering our field and our bodies. We can trigger the stress response and dysregulate our nervous system through thought alone, and through absorbing negative energy.
Have you noticed how the news of tragedies around the world can leave you uneasy? Or how, when your partner is upset, you start feeling what they feel? That’s on top of whatever you may already be navigating such as a loss, a hard work situation, or a difficult family dynamic.
The good news is that we can consciously choose how much energy we take in at any moment.
I began working with energy boundaries more than 26 years ago. The day I learned how to work with energy boundaries from a mentor, shaman named Michael, my life shifted. It’s one of the practices that has most changed my life and given me peace. I refined it as a chaplain at our Level I trauma hospital.
I remember a shooting victim brought into the trauma stabilization room. I stepped around the blood on the floor to speak with the nurse, went out to greet the family in the waiting room, and later watched the patient die on the table in front of the entire medical team. Witnessing trauma like that, even secondhand, taught me how essential these boundaries are.
The medical community is now recognizing the role of energy in healing. Dr. David Rakel’s Integrative Medicine, the leading textbook for integrative physicians, includes a section on this topic.
Setting energy boundaries helps you stay centered in your power by preventing you from taking on other people’s energy. It calms you and relaxes your nervous system.
Here are three practices. Try them and see which one resonates.
1. The bubble visualization
Take a few deep breaths and picture a bright white force field around you, forming a bubble with an opening above your head where love, light and peace can enter. See it extend four to five feet around your body. If it feels right, cover the outside of the bubble with outward-facing mirrors. Any negative or harmful energy that hits it bounces off instead of entering your body or getting stuck in your field.
2. Feathers, leather, eggshell
Stretch your arms out as far as they reach. This is the edge of your energy field. Imagine feathers at your fingertips: this is “feathering,” letting energy flow freely in and out. Now see the feathers turn to leather. Leather lets very little through, so you feel mostly your own energy. Finally, imagine an eggshell at your fingertips surrounding you completely. Nothing gets in.
3. Words and intention
Take a few deep breaths and say, aloud or silently, “I now send 70 percent love to everyone and everything and receive 30 percent.” I’m sending love and taking in only 30 percent of all the energy outside of my field. You can send love, peace or any positive energy, and you can play with the percentages: 80/20 one day, 90/10 the next. Notice how you feel and tune in to what’s right for you. For me, 90/10 is the ratio I say every day. These boundaries should bring you more space, ease and balance.
In a very tense or volatile situation, send 100 percent and receive nothing. Say, “I now send 100 percent love and receive nothing,” several times as you breathe in and out. I’ve used this in very challenging moments over the years, and it has been life-changing. It helps me stay present without absorbing anything, creating a buffer between me and the turmoil around me. I still use it in one-on-one sessions, when I need to be fully present without taking on someone’s energy.
Whichever method you choose, set your boundaries each morning before your day begins. At first, check in and reset them at midday. Over time the process becomes habit, and the morning practice will be enough.
Grounding and peace can be your natural state, even amid upheaval. Awakening isn’t escaping the world. It’s walking through while shining your light.
What are you choosing?
